Welcome to Sexy Nude Women Personals!
ImLive.com - Webcam Personals Review!

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?"

"Yes," her friend replied.

"What do you do about it?"

"I usually suck on a Lifesaver."

After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do you go to?"

---

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together."

"How dare you," said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"

"Well then," said the beggar, "What are you doing in my bed?"

---

It's really hard being a pecker! You have a head, but you can't think. You've got an eye, but you can't see. All you do is hang around all day with a couple of nuts. Your closest neighbor is a real asshole. And ever since AIDS, you gotta wear a rubber suit and throw up all over yourself!

---

The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any.

She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes?"

---

Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night. Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to rape them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."

The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!"

---

Two nuns were on a remote beach. They decided to go behind a sand dune and sunbathe in the nude. They were lying there for a while when a photographer came by and pointed a camera at them. The first nun asked him, "Aren't you going to focus?"

The second nun said, "Quiet sister...let him take his picture first."

---

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.

The old man is thinking ..."Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her."

The old lady is thinking ..."Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties."

---

This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ. Finally one night, he gets up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.

"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."

---

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

---

An Indian chief and his son are sitting down one day, and the son asks: "Dad, how do us Indians get our names?"

"It's very simple," replies the chief. "Your oldest brother was born by a river, so we call him Running Brook. Your other brother was born in the early morning, so we call him Rising Sun. Why do you ask Broken Rubber?"

---

A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch.

"Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?"

"As a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"

---

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible -- the best sex he'd ever had!

He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.

A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think her orgasm's stuck!"

---

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice, tight-looking ass!"

---

Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and dragged her into the bushes. "Help me! Help me!" she screamed. "I'm being robbed!"

"You ain't being robbed, slut!" her attacker interrupted. "You're being screwed!"

The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans. "If you're screwing me with that," she fumed, "I am being robbed!"